And that is how my brain/heart feels right now. Scattered. Messy. Disconnected.
I want to elaborate on a conversation I just had with one of my best friends. We touch on this subject a lot, and the more it is put to use or discussed, the more I realize HOW important it is. Not just for my own sanity, but for personal growth, and the growth of the relationships around me. The topic is communication. The art of telling someone how you feel. Albeit this can be very difficult, especially if you haven’t figured out what it is that you feel…which is my predicament right now.
The communication I have with my boyfriend is great. I wish what we had bled into other relationships in my life. Unfortunately, not everybody thinks along these same lines. I mean, it’s really quite simple. Exhibit A: You have two girls. Girl # 1 is feeling sad/mad/rad about something Girl #2 said or did. Girl #2 has no idea. Girl #1 expresses her feelings to Girl #2. Girl #2 acknowledges. Girl #1 feels better. And there we have it ladies and gentlemen. There has been progress into a healthier relationship! Now let’s rewind a bit and see another way this story could have unfolded. Exhibit B: You have two girls. Girl # 1 is feeling sad/mad/rad about something Girl #2 said or did. Girl #2 has no idea. Girl #1 decides not to say anything and not bring it up. Down the road, Girl #2 does the same thing to upset Girl #1. Girl #1 again does not say anything about it. Girl #2 does it again. Girl #1 snaps like a ginger cookie. BOOM. That small thing built up into a massive problem and now has exploded in both their faces like things I learned about in my anatomy and physiology class today on the male reproductive system. I bet Girl #2 would have liked if Girl #1 would have approached her sooner to avoid this build up.
So back to me. I recently shared with a friend that I was feeling a little off. The problem is, there wasn’t ONE thing that has me feeling this way, and I’m having a hard time clearly stating how I feel, because its all over the place. Regardless, I spoke to my friend. It kind of went in circles and I didn’t feel any better after we spoke. It wasn’t an aggressive or upsetting phone call, it was just a conversation, that didn’t really help much. So after a work out, making dinner, cleaning under the kitchen sink, finally taking the pumpkin to the dump and watching X-Factor, my friend (the one I spoke of at the very beginning of this blog) gave me a ringa-ding. Once again we talked about what was going on, and she made me feel better by reiterating what we always talk about, which is being honest with ourselves and each other. If you can’t be honest, what the hell is the point. And alas this is where my little light bulb turned on. So my other friend, lets call her Girl #2, is first and foremost not being honest with HERSELF. So can I really blame her for not being honest with me? Not really. I realized all I wanted from our conversation that went in circles was acknowledgment of my feelings. She may not agree with them, or understand why, but just hearing me out was, in my opinion, a healthy way to deal with it. Don’t even get me started about Girl #3 in this scenario. She’s the I’m-gonna-hold-it-in-and-play-passive-agressive type girl and I’m still learning how to (dare I say) handle her. Then again she teaches me certain behaviours that I try to avoid. But this is not about Girl #3. This is about my enlightening conversation with Girl #2 about Girl #1. We’re like a dysfunctional family. Or maybe just a bunch of normal girls in their twenties.
At the end of the day, these girls are my best friends. I know I am not perfect so I can’t expect them to be either. I choose to be friends with them because I can see past the flaws, knowing we are all riddled with them. They have huge hearts and if I need them, they would be there. Yes, we don’t all see eye to eye on a lot of things but they’re my girlfriends and I love them. Now if only I could think this clearly when being put in difficult situations…
Luckily, I think maybe 1 person reads my blogs so I can speak a little more freely about Girls 1,2 and 3. But this isn’t about these girls specifically. It all comes back to them shaping me to be a better person and in return a better friend.